Michigan Graduation Open House Etiquette: More Food, Less Talk
Ah, the Michigan graduation open house season is upon us! It's a time for free food, awkward conversations, and mastering the art of the Irish Goodbye. But fear not, for we have compiled the top 10 rules to follow to ensure that you maximize your food intake and minimize your socializing.
Rule #1 Find the Gift Table
Don't waste any time when you arrive. Locate the gift table and drop off your card. Remember, this is the toll you pay for the free food.
Rule #2 Congratulate Everyone
Make sure to congratulate both parents, their parents, and any cousins, aunts, or uncles that are present. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Rule #3: Scope Out the Food Situation
Before you start filling your plate, take a quick survey of the food options. This will save you from wasting valuable stomach space on something you don't want.
Rule #4: Avoid the Potato Salad
Just trust us on this one.
Rule #5: Keep Your Conversations Short and Sweet
When talking to people you don't know or don't want to talk to, keep it brief. Ask a generic question like "How's work treating you?" and then quickly move on.
Rule #6: Use the Kids as a Shield
If you're feeling particularly anti-social, grab a plate of food and then hide behind the kids. No one will bother you when you're surrounded by a bunch of hyperactive children. If they aren't yet hyperactive, give them a cake.
Rule #7: Know When to Leave
Don't overstay your welcome. As soon as you've finished your fourth plate of food, it's time to start making your way to the door.
Rule #8: Perfect the Irish Goodbye
Saying goodbye in Michigan takes a minimum of 15 minutes before the goodbye moves to the front yard, and another 10 before you get to the 'by the car goodbye". Master the art of the Irish Goodbye and slip out unnoticed. This may also require a distraction.
Rule #9: Be Prepared for Small Talk
Have a few generic conversation topics ready in case you get cornered. "How about those Spartans?" or "What do you think of this weather?" should suffice.
Rule #10: Don't Drink Too Much
This should go without saying, but it's important to pace yourself when it comes to the free booze. You don't want to end up being the drunken uncle everyone talks about for years to come.
So there you have it, folks. Follow these rules and you'll be a Michigan graduation open house pro in no time. Happy eating and socializing!